That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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