This is not my ceiling
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize