I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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