I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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