Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This baby is an asshole
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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