So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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