I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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