Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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