if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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