pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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