And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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