I met the friendliest cop last night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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