i don't like sucking hair
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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