I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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