i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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