i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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