Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize