Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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