Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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