Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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