never play flip cup with pint glasses
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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