I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sorry about my life...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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