im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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Are my feet made of real feet?
This baby is an asshole
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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