I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize