so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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