Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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