And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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