Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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