have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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