i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
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i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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