i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
accomplished twins. life is a go
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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