dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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