do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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