i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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