So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
In America we eat man semen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize