did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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