I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize