She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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