Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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