and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
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fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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