how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize