Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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