kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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