Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize