i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
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Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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