I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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