This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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