can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize