please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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