I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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